A Positive Voice can Create Positive Outcomes
Whether we are aware of it or not, we engage in self-talk. That constant conversation we have with ourselves throughout the day, an internal monologue commenting on just about everything we do (or don’t do). And this voice can actually help or hinder whatever it is we are doing. Most of the time though, the latter. Which is why self-talk should not be overlooked when we are looking to improve. Because ultimately self-talk affects our feelings, which is affecting our actions, which then affects our performance. And our self-talk can either enable us to achieve the results we are looking for, or becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy by telling ourselves we’ll fail until we ultimately do.
our biggest critic
Which is why we need to address the type of self-talk we engage in the most. Which is negative self-talk. This is that “critic” in our heads, telling us what we do wrong, that we aren’t good enough especially when we have an error, and projects every possible negative outcome from an action. This negative voice sharpens our anxiety, emphasizes our insecurities and can pretty much ruin our day. Here is the wild thing though, that voice is just our voice. We are in fact the ones saying all those negative things about us (albeit in our heads). It can create a negative feedback loop. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough for something, so we don’t try and don’t get better. If we don’t get better, we don’t find any positive changes in our life, so we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, and we don’t believe we can get better. The loop keeps looping and we don’t get anywhere. We get stuck in the same awful spot we started. Rather, we need to re-frame it. We need to change the internal narrative we create for ourselves and challenge the negative self-talk.
what happens when you assume
Most of the time when we engage in this negative self-talk we make assumptions and judgments about ourselves that are not based in reality. We catastrophize and immediately begin thinking of the worst case scenario for whatever it is we are doing. Even if it is something simple like reaching out to someone to ask a question, we go to “they’ll think I’m dumb”, “they’ll get mad for bothering them”, “they’ll flat out ignore me”. Rather, if we challenge these negative thoughts with evidence, we can gain a more balanced and realistic perspective on ourselves, our abilities and the most possible outcome. Like when we reach out to someone to ask that question, more realistic thoughts might be “they know I’m learning”, “they’ll appreciate I trust them enough to ask”, or “if they’re busy they’ll tell me when they can”.
focus on the moment
We can work to reframe it by focusing on the present moment. Rather than dwelling on past mistakes and future uncertainties, positive self-talk encourages us to focus on the present moment and to approach challenges (or even an everyday task) with a positive and realistic attitude. Because there will be aspects that are completely and wildly out of our control, but by focusing on the present moment and what is directly within out control (and telling ourselves what this is) we can help reduce feeling overwhelmed and riddled with anxiety. In the end improving our ability to stay focused and productive.
Positive self-talk is an essential component of building confidence, and resilience. When we use positive language to describe ourselves, we reinforce positive beliefs and attitudes about ourselves. This can lead to an increased sense of self-worth and self-acceptance, which can have a positive impact on our mental health and overall well-being. We affirm the work we put in to doing something, and even if we screw up, rather than defaulting to “you idiot” we default to “let’s try this again”.
why is this so hard?
It can be a real challenge. That negative self-talk can be deeply ingrained in our thought patterns, from past experience or even the unnecessary pressure we put on ourselves to succeed. We might think it “helps” but in the end, it probably does way more harm than good. With practice, it is possible to replace that negative self-talk we berate ourselves with, with positive self-talk that supports us in order to develop a more optimistic, and realistic inner dialogue we have control over. The end goal? Improve our ability to cope with stress and adversity. The trick is we need to practice, we need to actually do it otherwise the negative self-talk just keeps on going, and that negative feedback loop keeps on looping. We can start small, with those little negative things we say to ourselves seemingly every day, replacing them with something (anything really) that is positive. And we work up, to those big events or actions that fill us with dread, giving us the confidence we need to get it done.
After we practice using that supportive language when facing challenges, we can reframe more and more difficult situations in a more positive light, which can help us to maintain a more realistic and optimistic outlook. We can gain control over our emotions, get a handle on our anxieties, and increase our ability to bounce back from setbacks. This will keep us going forward, learning new things and overcoming obstacles we put in front of ourselves we never thought we could surmount.
