Our Identity
Through our entire lives, we might have spent years to figure out who we are. During that time, we would let one or two aspects of our life consume us. It was our definer, and how we introduced ourselves to the word. Be it a job title, activity, or simple action, it was who we were. It was our identity. When people asked “what do you do?” or “what do you do for fun?” that was our answer. A single thing that engulfed our entire view of ourselves. In the case of any active duty service remember, it was easy. We knew our rank, our title, and that was who we were. However, during the transition to civilian life this definer gets lost. There is a sudden and drastic change, going from knowing exactly who you are, to that being who you were. The introduction goes from “I am a Marine Captain” to “I was a Marine Captain”. If anyone takes a hard look at their lives, it can be easy to spot similar, significantly drastic changes like this one, and find parallels between the transition of who they were to who they are. This type of transition can be jarring, making it difficult to work through. However, it is also a significant opportunity for growth.
The opportunity
Our identity is solely ours. The definers we used previously to say “this is who I am” was not bestowed upon us. Rather, it was what we chose. We sought them out, and made the decision to craft we were around them. Often times we fell into the trap that we can only be defined by aspect of our lives and the rest are just extraneous. The beauty is we are not “just” one thing and we should never be defined by a single attribute of our lives. Being an actual human being means we are a vast and complex individual with depth beyond the surface. We can be a successful accountant who finds immense satisfaction in being a competitive clay shooter on the weekend. We can be a small business owner who successfully established their own brand, and volunteers at a local fire department and finds incredible satisfaction in serving the community. We can be a student, who is also a veteran that served honorably. So many different actions, activities and jobs can be a part of it. Because all those things make us who we are.
Continued Growth
Through our lives, our identities can—and should— change. That’s what growth really is, “this is who was, now this is who I am”. It doesn’t just mean we are changing jobs or we pick up a new hobby, it takes changing behaviors in a positive way. This growth is important to living a life we can be proud of and want to identify with. Because we’ve all seen what happens when we don’t. If we struggle to let go of any past identity, holding onto the idea of “this is the best version of myself I will ever be” we get stuck. We stagnate where we are at and don’t change for the better. Maybe it is because we feel as though we can’t get any better. Starting something new will require work, and we don’t think putting in the effort will actually be worth it. We think this is who we are, and we just have to stay there. Rather than just looking at who we were, we need to turn our eyes to who we can become.
If you know a service member who is making the transition to the life of a civilian, or a veteran who has gotten out and needs some guidance, let them know of a free resource they can access here.
